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  #1  
Old 05-04-2005, 11:14 AM
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Airsoft Rules of Combat - Murphy Style

For the Milsim Nazi:
Run around in a group of people with hellishly strict rules claiming that you are immitating military units and personel. Everyone must have the same gun, camo and tactical gear, and must travel in groups of no less than or more than 12, because hey, that's the way the real military works.

For the Paintsofter:
Run blindly at each other and shoot as much as you can whilst wearing bright colored jerseys, and carry as much ammo on you as you possibly can.

For the noob:
Hang around people you have no clue about, or who they are. Dress up with as much crap on you and your gun as you can, and then claim that you are L337, and have played airsoft for greater than 2 years. Noobs typically travel in packs. You also have to post pictures in the gallery of your "custom" guns with nothing more than a BSA reddot on it.

For the casual airsofter:
Just throw some old BDUs on(they don't even have to be clean), and run around on the field and do everything half-assed, but have fun.

For the "extreme" airsofter:
Again, wear as much crap as you can, and put as much crap on your gun as you can, only this time you run around by yourself yelling "IM EXTREME!!!" at the top of your lungs.

Large teams:
Kind of a cross between the milsim and casual groups, large teams run around in packs of no less than 15 yelling "FOR THE HORDE!" wherever they go.

BTW, in case none of you have noticed, this post was laden with sarcasm, so don't take it seriously!
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Old 05-04-2005, 11:26 AM
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One more for the history books.


The Gun nut:
He spends all the time working, upgrading, modifing his gun into some un-godly beast that is never seen on the field though, because it is always in the shop. He doesn't have camo, he doesn't have gear, and he just keeps on talking about his one gun of doom, like its something from another world. "Like one time, it shot this fast...!"
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  #3  
Old 05-04-2005, 12:11 PM
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AH, good 'ole arch-types

My personal favorite:

The Gear Whore:
A literal one-man-army...in equipment at least. You spend countless hours every day scouring ebay and gear shops for the latest and greatest piece of high-speed nylon to burn plastic on. You know you don't really need all that gear, and you might even only use it once and then shelve it, but some unspoken force wills you on. Before you know it, you have more money in tactical gear than in your bank account, your equipment overflows from the "gear closet" into your normal clothes closet, you randomly find pouches and do-dads you don't remember buying, and you wear more velcroed-on pathes on your 20 odd sets of BDUs than even the most hardcore teenage wanna-be hippy does on his book-bag. But through it all, you admit that all that gear somehow makes you a better BB-slinger.

Note: The above is a stereotype. Any similarities it may have to me are purely coinsidental.
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  #4  
Old 05-04-2005, 01:08 PM
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The Jaded Veteran - He's been there, he's done that, he's owned almost every flavor of AEG and GBB under the sun. However years of dealing with n00bs has caused him to become jaded and dead to the world. Games almost seem like chores to be avoided. Nothing impresses these players, except slowly adding to their armory for which only they ever gase upon. When these users journey to airsoft boards we can only hope we don't have to hear the grinding of their teeth as they listen to endless posts about Super 9's and newbies who whine they can't buy an M14 with their 200 dollar life savings.

The Super n00b - this noob normally lives in dark spaces, typically playing Counter Strike and watching Black Hawk Down 10 times a week, he hasn't needed to work for a living because his parents buy him whatever he needs. Typically this noob is accompanied by his parents when entering into airsoft stores and websites, their credit card is his gateway into the big leagues. But alas this newb has not gained experience, and while he may show up on the field with a 500fps M16A2 he is still the butt of jokes, see also: poser.
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Old 05-04-2005, 01:29 PM
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nice post

the ChairSofter:

he spends most or, all of his money on guns and, upgrade for a arsinal of gun that would support a full unit. and then sits them across from his tv on display. so he can brag about his gear and, of skills he has never developed or, obtained in sim battles. this type confuses playing videogames with acual field practice. "halo is not a training tool"
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Old 05-04-2005, 04:15 PM
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"The Idiot"

The idiot usually owns no better than a spring pistol, aand has no want to participate in games at this stage. He usually shoots his friends in the back when they come over, and laughs at them. One day, one of his friends will pick up on the game, and buy and AEG. The idiot then gets hosed. The idiot has no concept of safety, he just knows that his gun cannot kill so he shoots everything around. His accuracy is also something not to be bragged about in most cases.

"The Swapper"

The swapper has no idea what gun he wants. When he figures it out, he gets a gun only to sell or trade it off a month later. It could be either he wants to experience the best of all AEGs, or he does not know what he wants. Another possibility is that he may be looking for the perfect weapon, and any single flaw in any gun can bring him to sell it or trade it off so he can try the next series of guns. This type of player is great for building up a team, since he is always selling and trading off weapons. But truthfully, it may take this type of player years to find out the perfect gun for them.

"The Crazy Bastard"

While rare in number, crazy bastards can provide countless entertainment. They can be found in game wearing a blood-stained panda costume with a gas mask, or wearing nothing at all. Their guns are usually creations of blasphemy, decked out in happy face stickers, drum mags and dangerously high upgrades. He tends to have the most interesting battle cries such as "The flesh of fallen angels!" "MOOOOOSE!" and "OMFGLOLZDIEDIEDIE!!1". These guys are fun to laugh at, but can embarass you to no end if they happen to be on your team.

"The wanna-be sniper"

This player hasn't even gotten his feet wet in the airsoft world, and is hell-bent on sniping people, because the AWP in Counterstrike is "leet". He goes out and buys a Supah Nine. Need I say more? Yes. He upgrades it, thinking he is uber-cool, and takes it to a game, and gets owned by a 9 year old girl with a mini electric. His pride is lost, and he is found the next day hanging from a noose in his barn out back...

"The inventor"

The inventor is always coming up with crazy devices and ideas for airsoft. He is hell-bent on making the perfect airosft grenade, makes most of his gear to his own spec and so on. If it explodes in real life, he wants to make an airsoft version of it. His ultimate dream would be to fly over an airsoft game in a crop duster and drop an airsoft nuke.

"Chow Yun Fat"

This player is a unique one. He will at any given time own more than 6 gas guns, and carries them all into combat. He does not wear camo or anything tactical, but tries to look cool. He rushes at players with dual pistols, expecting ownage. He gets owned by a 9 year old girl with a mini electric. They find him the next day hanging from a noose in his "sniper" friend's barn.

"The Airsoft God"

While rare, they are the foundation of the community. They are usually a bit older than the median age of players, and can remember the good old classic days. They have countless airsoft guns - each one worth more than an automobile of a typical player. Players yearn to have guns like theirs. Truth be told - the Airsoft God knows all. He can hang upside down in his closet blindfolded and install a Systema M150 FTK into a gearbox in less than 30 seconds. And surprisingly, these are the least arrogant of players, because they have no reason to be. The are older and wiser, and their knowledge is passed down for years.

Like Loki said, this is not to offend anyone. Its all in sake of fun and good humor.
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Old 05-04-2005, 09:38 PM
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Few more I thought I would add... and Yes, greaseman is right about that - we normally do sell it after it is complete.

The Ex:
These are the Ex military guys, who say everything in mil-sim is wrong, and then start all the rules and regulations of why its wrong from some handbook from whatever branch they were in. They don't have a gun yet, and they swear by the Old ALICE system, and M16's. Always saying they could hit a pin head with one in a blizzard in kansas with it too. But, the funny thing is, they're mostly wrong.

The Current:
These are current military members, also airsofters. They take both seriously - some times too seriously. Spouting off orders like it were life or death, where it's only a game. They have all the newest latest high speed gear, and have to brag about it. And they ALL thing the m4 is the most badass gun on earth, and they are all unique by having one - but they're not.

The Future:
These are the kids that are going into the military. They know everything about the specific unit they 'Must' be in. Because they are that cool. They know every person in the unit, their history, and their family's history. They all try to mock them by getting all the patches and badges from the unit, as and all think that either the M4 or the XM-8 is the most badass gun ever.

The AEG Noob:
He gets an AEG, and then HAS to upgrade it even before he plays it, just because thats the cool thing to do to become a veteran since everyone upgrades their gun, or they're a noob. After countless posts on the forums of what to upgrade their gun, and how to do it, and countless posts of veterans telling them "Just dont open the gear box" th e noob of course, opens the gear box, and then comes back desperatly crying for help to fix it, but he doesn't know the problem with it, other then its broke. Of course, the veterans say, "I told you so." Now, the noob goes around blaming the veterans in every other post he makes, saying that its the veterans fault his gun broke, where he really opened the gearbox, when he shouldn't of.

The sniper n00b:
He HAS to be a sniper, must have a sniper rifle, and is always wondering the cheapest way of being a sniper, where its a UHC Mp5 he claims to be a sniper rifle, or the TM VSR which isn't upgraded. He tries to become a sniper at big events only to have the spot taken from him by some one who actually is a good sniper with a good gun. He then complains constantly on the forums of this and wonders why no one lets him be sniper - and he also never takes advice.

The Master:
Simple said; Dumborat. Lost but not forgotten.
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  #8  
Old 05-04-2005, 10:01 PM
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The G.I. Joe:
This player, although never having been in the service, knows all of the military 'jargon' and uses the phonetic alphabet exclusively.
His haircut is always regulation; his uniform is pristine; and his boots are usually treated with the proper Kiwi products.
When operating in the field, this player always maintains a ‘proper’ stance, emulating those that he worships having seen them on TV or in the movies.
He can operate with others, but generally disregards the possibility that those around him may not know the hand signals he’s using or comprehend the acronym-filled military-speak he’s shouting at them.
MRE’s are the only things he’ll eat and any liquids consumed must be from some sort of hydration system, preferably from a canteen complete with regulation cover.


The Statistician:
This player is very similar to the "chair-softer", his singular purpose in this sport is to rack up as many 'kills' as possible.
His number one priority is not so much his arsenal, as is keeping track of his 'kills'.
He uses words like ‘owned’ (or any other form thereof) and other online video game terminology.


The "Oxy-Moron":
This player may know every designation for every weapon in existence but lacks the Basic English skills of spelling, punctuation, or grammar.
The dichotomy, of an endless supply of weapon, gear, or airsoft, knowledge coupled with the ability to completely confuse anyone attempting to read one of his posts, boggles the mind.


  #9  
Old 05-05-2005, 11:18 AM
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forgot about these guys

the hosesofter:

*this type has high speed gears and, a 12v + battery on all of there aegs and, has disingaged semi on them as well. keeps 4 spare batterys and an exrta eg 1000 motor on them at all times.

*considers 250 round clips as there low caps. carries 2 full bags of ammo and wonders if that is enough for the 6 hour game. thinks that burst fire is 50 to 100 rounds, and reloads about a minute or two after he runs out of ammo becouse it took that long for let off the trigger.

*you have to wade though the bbs or where snow shoes at his home range in the bacement. and has somehow managed to completely coat the back stop with sunken in bbs. has a computer, photoshop, and printer down there just for making targets. and putts in a monthly ammo of a case for personal use. and best of all still has a wide grouping of about 6 feet at only 10 yards.

* but most of all it is the unmistackable sound of a flock of woodpecker attacking a rubber tree that lets you no he is close. and the quote "does my gun feel hot to you?" or "do smell burn plastic?"
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Old 05-05-2005, 12:34 PM
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The Super Moderator - This user is much like the jaded veteran, but unlike the veteran he still harbors some passion for keeping the airsoft forums clean and functional. He is a firefighter putting out flame wars, but people still don't appreciate the work he does. Most commonly these moderators are at the brink of not caring about the forums they tend to, and try to remember the good 'ol days when things were simpler and the forums weren't populated by as many @ss clowns.
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  #11  
Old 05-05-2005, 10:56 PM
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The Spray and Pray'er: Is successful in unloading a whole Hi-Cap mag on one person, and having the percentage of bb's missing. Also seen chasing people on the feild while shooting all around them and shouting things like "AHHH MOTHERLAND!" Commonly know to give the worst possible cover fire, and while shooting weapon, praying a Hail Mary that a bullet hits a target only to be shot themselves.

The n00b cannon'er: Takes a SP M203 and goes up to people at point blank, and shoots a 150 BB shell right at the head of the target. Also known to use just their M203 during battle.

The G-18C specialist: Has a gas powered Glock 18C with a modified magizine that looks like a C-Mag and sticks a foregrip on the gun. They then become the designated support weapon user for their team. Also known to modify the gun to fit an ACOG scope. They then become the designated sniper of the team.

The complete morons: Use fireworks during an airsoft war thinking it will make the war cooler. They then blow off their hands, or catch a forest on fire only to have smokey the bear yell at them, or shoot a bottle rocket into an old man's garage. The old man comes out with a shotgun and threatens to call the sheriff. The morons then think that the shotgun is for airsoft and supress fire on him. The old man becomes wicked pissed and shoots all of them dead. Thats right, D E D dead.

The scaredy cats: Call them selves out just because they're being a shot at by a 3 year old kid with a mini AEG. They never really got shot, but were to afraid to, and called them selves out.

The pWner: Goes up behind people with a Tanfoglio Witness 1911 springer upgraded to 364 FPS by a super9 spring and shoots them in the head. After shooting targets they shout " YEAH, IM SO 1337!! I GOT U!! YOUR A NOOBLET, AND I PWNED U LMFAO!111!!1!!" They then skip throughout the whole war poping people until they win.

Remember this is for fun and if this offended you, wow.
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Old 01-15-2008, 06:28 AM
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Heh. I apologize for the Necro-post, but I was browsing through the old archives , and I found this classic.

It's surprisingly still relevant, even 2 and a half years later.Thought some of you "newer" guys might enjoy this.
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Old 01-15-2008, 09:57 AM
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LOL, Titleist posted here? funny.
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Old 01-15-2008, 10:29 AM
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LOL. Definately a good laugh. Well, I'll add one.

The e-Softer:
A person who tries to appear to be an uber airsoft bad *** on multiple forums, yet hasn't attended an event in years if at all. Also believes experience or status is gained through the number of their posts. Usually known for trying to change the way people play or spend 12 hours + a day posting.
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Old 01-15-2008, 10:52 AM
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Jesus christ I almost pissed myself reading through this again. Never gets old.
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  #16  
Old 01-15-2008, 05:57 PM
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wow... I am super surprised this one isn't up here

The Unicorn: May be new to the sport, or may have been in the sport, casually, for a few years. They have some gear, a vest and mag pouches, and probably a radio with ear piece. They hardly use the radio and rarely calls their hits. Only after a 'good firefight' will they willingly call them selves out. Uses hi-caps. They only use the radio to call for help after being shot at, possibly hit, and say "GUYS! I HAVE 2 ENEMIES BY ME." No one knows where "by me" is because the Unicorn branched off from his squad 20 seconds into the match. The team instinctively heads the opposite direction of the shots to teach him a lesson... one he will never learn.
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Old 01-15-2008, 06:25 PM
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Thanks Loki, this really made my day.
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Old 01-15-2008, 07:20 PM
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Wow! Thanks for bringing this back to the top. Funniest **** I've seen in a long time. I'm almost scared to think of how many of those catagories I might fit if I'd found this game when I was in my early 20's instead of my early 30's.
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Old 01-15-2008, 07:50 PM
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The Hollywood:
This person takes a liking to the cosmetic side of the airsoft replicas. This person will gladly spend $350 on an EOTech and stick on his/her UTG M4. This person will put a $200 Surefire TacLite on their Well MP5. Nevermind the fact the gun itself shoots 89 FPS and is outranged by most springers...if it looks good, it IS good!
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Old 01-15-2008, 09:01 PM
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The Magazine Guy
-Be careful, this kind of airsofter is DANGEROUS in a team! Not only will he get in your face if you ask for a "Clip" for your M16, he will stop, in the middle of a firefight, and give you a full-blown lecture on the difference between mags and clips.
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Old 01-15-2008, 11:12 PM
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wow you realy need this one on here

the gost
- this is the guy that stands out in the middle of a firefight, no cover and magicaly he "says" he never got hit.
  #22  
Old 01-15-2008, 11:19 PM
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ahhhh...... i think i got one.

The clueless gerbill
-the worst guy to possibly have with you. does not understand the meaning of stealth. Usually follows around the experianced players and when trying to get behind the enemy, even though you have told him at least five times..... Once he sees the enemy's ammo boy immedialtey starts to open fire yelling: suppresion!! suppresion!! where is my gunner!? well you might be wondering where the gunner and the rest of his squad is. They are at respawn due to the gerbill giving away their position. Yet when teams are picked he wonders why he is always last.

the ammo boy
-the second to worst person to have on your team, very afraid of the lethal bb's. carry's a tac vest, AEG with a few upgrades, a 500 round hi-cap, and an army helmet ready to wait at the back of the AO. takes at least a half hour to convice him to move from his bunker. when patrolling he likes to talk to his teamates threating to shoot them for no apparent reason. yet, unfortunatley once the bb's fly he likes to hid behing his bunker and shoot very little. or in best cases retreat to a safer location while handing out his shat load of "battle ready ammo" to his hard fighting teamates.

again as countless people said this is all in good fun and is not intended to hurt anyone.
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Last edited by Firefox; 01-15-2008 at 11:34 PM.
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Old 01-15-2008, 11:46 PM
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The Combat Simulator-

These guys take our hobby seriously, not like the Wannabes with all their goofy rules, but in a sense that places them a cut above. They use custom tailored gear that fits their exact mission or scenerio needs, and they only have the highest quality AEGs. Those AEGs are usually custom built to the limit of the local FPS regulations. Often called "elitest" for caring more about the objectives in a scenerio and getting all "hot and bothered" about moving through enemy lines without being detected. But rest assured, these guys will be the most lethal players you ever see enter the field.
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Old 01-17-2008, 12:10 PM
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The screaming foreign guy-
See Entry: "Strikers_Blade"
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