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I love you, Dad.

Posted 11-17-2010 at 09:19 PM by Kitten
Updated 07-27-2011 at 11:17 PM by Kitten
Only a few of my closest friends know about this on AO, but I've been really torn apart by this lately and I think writing this will help me organize my thoughts.

August 2009, my dad went into the doctor because he discovered blood in his urine. The doctors thought it was just a simple kidney stone. After weeks of testing and so on, in September of 2009 he was finally diagnosed with stage 3 bladder/prostate cancer.

Upon hearing the news, i was instantly heartbroken. My dad and I had always spent a lot of time together and were almost always doing father and son things together. He usually worked from home with the occasional business trip out of town, so I was usually right by his side. We'd always be doing something, from building random things in the shop to going to the shooting range or boating or fishing or anything of the sort.

Obviously, all of that was going to change because chemo started in October of 2009.
The months tumbled along with the incessant torture of the unknown, not knowing what the end result might be and the final outcome of everything that was happening. We stopped having the opportunities to do the same things together as we used to because the chemo makes you physically and psychologically weak.

February 2010 it was decided the only way to stop the cancer from spreading would be to remove the bladder and the prostate via a very invasive and complicated 10 hour surgery. Fortunately, the surgery was carried out by a leading edge technology, state of the art robot controlled by the surgeon, lessening the invasiveness and the overall pain inflicted on the patient.

So, after the final goodbyes and the tears that followed, i said goodbye and sat in the waiting room for a straight 10 hours and reflected on the good times and bad shared with my dad. There is no way he could have done a better job being a dad for me and i thank him with everything I've got for it. Now on to recovery.

It was a long week afterward that he sat in intensive care starting his recovery, and then a long 12 weeks in bed afterwards trying to comfort him with the pain, loneliness and sadness from the medical limitations he'd be suffering. These limitations include being able to lift a certain weight and doing other strenuous activities. I wont disclose the reason specifically why, but feel free to PM me if you really want to know. The only thing i could do was to let him know he'll be back on his Harley soon.

After the surgery things were starting to look better and we could start doing most of the normal things we'd normally do. He managed to finally get back on his motorcycle, which riding it was one of his most favorite things to do. Seeing him get back up on it and go for a ride gave me a glimmer of hope and yet a hint of sadness, recalling all of the things he had been through the last few months and the struggles he had been though. It was definitely tough, but he's a fighter.

July 2nd, 2010 he went to the hospital for a scheduled test/scan when they found lesions on his spine, which means it spread from his prostate to his bones in his spine. So, HERE WE GO AGAIN...after weeks of tests and concurring and ball scratching done by his doctors about what to do and what treatment to start... Chemo starts.. again.

Turns out, our great doctors of the tristate gave him the wrong chemo treatment because they didnt know what else they could give him. The treatment they wrongly gave him, (which was later found out to be the use for breast cancer patients?) caused severe bone pain and discomfort which hospitalized him, again.

After a fun day in the ER, it was decided my dad would abort the treatments until they could find something else, because if he had continued on the other treatment, it would have killed him.

In case you don't know, chemo is a drug that attacks all cells, but particularly certain cells. If you give the wrong treatment, you attack the wrong ones which can cause tremendous pain if not death.

At this point, the doctors here had no idea what to do and what path to pursue next, because once the cancer reaches the spine, it can spread very fast making the patient technically terminally ill if not treated.

Now that, was a gruesome two weeks. Being told doctors can't find a treatment and that your dad was terminally ill... sounds great?

After having so much faith in God to take care of my dad and to watch over him throughout this whole thing and then to have it come back, crushed me. I started losing faith and questioning my beliefs, which is another big story not meant for AO.

My mom then started trying to contact labs out of network to try to find anyone who could help. It seemed like hope was lost after the days kept passing with no response until a lab from New York called Wiesenthal Labs called saying they could help.

Long story short, my dad flew to New York City and was able to find another treatment that would actually work this time. Obviously, this was a huge relief to me and i was never happier. He started treatment last month sometime.

The problem: The insurance company denied payment for any treatment out of network. Now, you can't put a price on life.. but we're talking hundreds of thousands of dollars here. So here we go to start the fight with the insurance company, essentially playing God and saying what they will allow to be covered or not. The decision to sue is still pending..

Back to the main point of this, my dad came to me and apologized for not being able to spend any time with me. The whole situation tore me apart emotionally and I don't know if i can write anything that can fully express or help you to understand how i feel. I love my dad, and he's a fighter. He told me he wishes he could come play airsoft with me and it kills him that it's physically not possible right now.

I love you, Dad.
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  1. Old
    Reaper's Avatar
    kitten, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
    Posted 11-18-2010 at 09:17 PM by Reaper Reaper is offline
  2. Old
    dudejrod's Avatar
    God Bless You, Your dad and Your family. You are in my prayers as i have just prayed for you and i hope to God that he comes through ok; you have a relationship with your dad like i do mine, i know exactly where your coming from and i can't even begin to imagine the pain you and your family are experiencing. feel free to message me if you ever need to talk
    Posted 11-18-2010 at 09:26 PM by dudejrod dudejrod is offline
  3. Old
    M0nk3y's Avatar
    Kitten, there is nothing fun about cancer.

    I lost my aunt when I was in 8th grade due to lung cancer. Hearing the fact that she only had a X amount of days to live tore all of us apart.

    If you need to talk about anything let me know. It's a tough road. Hang in there kid.

    I'll keep your dad in my prayers
    Posted 11-18-2010 at 09:27 PM by M0nk3y M0nk3y is offline
    Updated 11-18-2010 at 09:40 PM by M0nk3y
  4. Old
    Gambit's Avatar
    Stay strong man.

    Never Lose Faith.
    Posted 11-18-2010 at 09:42 PM by Gambit Gambit is offline
  5. Old
    WhiteRook's Avatar
    Dylan ... you are a good son, your Dad is blessed to have you. Please know that my prayers go out to you, your Dad, and your family.
    Posted 11-18-2010 at 09:53 PM by WhiteRook WhiteRook is offline
  6. Old
    Grease Man's Avatar
    Not much I can really say but sorry. Stay strong and enjoy the time you have with your father.
    Posted 11-18-2010 at 10:04 PM by Grease Man Grease Man is offline
  7. Old
    Baked Juice's Avatar
    Stay strong. Your father will be in my thoughts and prayers.
    Posted 11-18-2010 at 10:12 PM by Baked Juice Baked Juice is offline
  8. Old
    Phoenix's Avatar
    I will be praying for you and your family.
    Posted 11-18-2010 at 10:13 PM by Phoenix Phoenix is offline
  9. Old
    Kitten's Avatar
    Thanks guys, i really appreciate it. It means a lot for you guys to say that.
    Posted 11-19-2010 at 07:06 AM by Kitten Kitten is offline
  10. Old
    Scorch's Avatar
    my best advice:
    never loose faith, never give up, hope and strive for the best
    prepare for the worst.
    Posted 11-19-2010 at 08:27 AM by Scorch Scorch is offline
  11. Old
    HayStack's Avatar
    Kitten, you know I'm thinking about your family every day. Glad you decided to share your story with the community, as I agreed it would help when we talked. Your a great young man, and your dad has to be proud.

    Stay strong and know you have many people who care and have your family in their prayers.

    If STACC can do anything for you, your dad, or your entire family, don't hestitate to ask.
    Posted 11-19-2010 at 08:40 AM by HayStack HayStack is offline
  12. Old
    Kitten i know all to well about this ....bullcrap, ive been fighting like all hell and doing loads better,Deltas Eagle is someone withwhom id speak to hes is just as much a fighter keep yer head up kido

    Anyhting we can do to help you ...please dont hesitate to ask, wonderfull thing the media ...elected officals.... have been known to step up for the right reasons
    Posted 11-19-2010 at 10:00 AM by Ozzsclan Ozzsclan is offline
  13. Old
    Tactical Ginger's Avatar
    Kitten, my brother had cancer from the day he was born till he was 13, they told my parents just to stop treating him and let him die because they said he wouldn't make it past 4 but boy were they wrong.

    What I mean is just keep doing all you can, my prayers will be with you and your family
    Posted 11-19-2010 at 12:52 PM by Tactical Ginger Tactical Ginger is offline
  14. Old
    Kitten's Avatar
    Thanks guys.
    Posted 11-19-2010 at 03:00 PM by Kitten Kitten is offline
  15. Old
    TommyTuba's Avatar
    Just by writing what you wrote, I would say that your dad did his best and raised a great child. I lost my Dad on 2005 and would give anything to have him back. We were the same way.

    My thoughts and prayers will be with you!!!
    Posted 11-19-2010 at 06:59 PM by TommyTuba TommyTuba is offline
  16. Old
    colossus's Avatar
    Dylan, I'm praying for you and your family. If there is anything I can do for you please let me know and if you ever need to talk or just vent you have my number. Keep strong brother!
    Posted 11-19-2010 at 10:13 PM by colossus colossus is offline
  17. Old
    SpecialOp7's Avatar
    I have gone through the battle of cancer with several family members. Plainly, its awful. It's so hard to express the different emotions of anger, bitterness etc; most of the time, we take those raw emotions and question our Creator because how could he do something like this?

    Today, I got a speeding ticket, called my dad and got angry at him. Like he could do anything from hundreds of miles away from me at college? This blog has helped me in my own walk with the Lord and my relationship with my father, for that I thank you...

    Anyways, I'm going to shoot you a P.M. Praying for you, and your family.
    Posted 11-19-2010 at 10:45 PM by SpecialOp7 SpecialOp7 is offline
  18. Old
    Loki's Avatar
    Don't concentrate on the cancer, concentrate on your dad.

    Love the time you have left with him, however long that will be.

    Some of us didn't have dads that took us and did stuff like that, so embrace your memories, and figure out a way for you guys to still do stuff. (Even if it's just watching a football game or something like that).

    Whatever happens, don't give up.
    Posted 11-20-2010 at 10:54 PM by Loki Loki is offline
  19. Old
    allenspidey's Avatar
    Don't lose faith my man. Cherish every day and pray for the best. No matter how things turn out, make these days the best of your life even in the midst of such a struggle.
    Posted 11-22-2010 at 08:57 AM by allenspidey allenspidey is offline
  20. Old
    Teddy Bear's Avatar
    Dylan, Sorry it's taken me so long to post somthing, I just have been at a loss of words and couldn't think of a way to help you, but I will try.
    I lost my Grandpa to Lung cancer a few years ago. That man was/is my Hero. He fought 5 tours of duty in the 82nd airborne, 3 major combat jumps in WWII, served in Korea, Vietnam twice and the Dominican Republic. and still had the time and heart to raise 4 children and witness one of them die in his hands all of this to only die of lung cancer because he smoked ciggerets. He was a mans man and my numberone favorite person, I would do anything to bring him back. I only wish I wasn't so young and nyeve (sp). charish every Moment with your father that you can even if he Gets better (to wich I hope he dose get better 100%), He is sooo lucky to have such a great son like you. Love, happiness and determination are some things that are more powerful then ANY medication out there. Keep your chin up bro.
    Posted 11-22-2010 at 05:41 PM by Teddy Bear Teddy Bear is offline

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