Our Economy....
Posted 01-01-2010 at 06:41 PM by Sparky
Dear Citizens,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much **** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of **** they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough ****, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the **** you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much **** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of **** they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough ****, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the **** you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Total Comments 17
Comments
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAPosted 01-03-2010 at 12:53 AM by Gerber 
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Economics has gotten quite interesting lately. I am glad the Government is looking out for its citizens the way they always have... LOL.
Posted 01-03-2010 at 03:03 AM by blacksheep_p
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Epic man simply epic
Posted 01-03-2010 at 06:48 AM by Ozzsclan
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AMEN. This is too funny.
Posted 01-03-2010 at 11:07 AM by Twin1
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This sounds like something cooked up by a parent, you know that cheesy sense of humor they have, and then spam mailed around by everyone on their contact list.
Oh wait, it was.Posted 01-03-2010 at 01:02 PM by Mavrick
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Spam or not, it's hilarious, mostly because it's decently believable, haha.
Posted 01-03-2010 at 01:43 PM by Blackbeard
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hahah good stuff
Posted 01-03-2010 at 03:19 PM by Kilo11
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If I heard this on the news tomorrow morning it wouldn't surprise me, but so funny.
Posted 01-03-2010 at 07:29 PM by schmikah
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That was some funny stuff
Posted 01-03-2010 at 07:35 PM by ak603
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hahaha that just brightened my evening. Thanks for posting this.
Posted 01-03-2010 at 08:52 PM by Firefox
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that was ****ing epic.
Posted 01-04-2010 at 10:23 AM by RNA
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This makes my day! EPIC!!
Posted 01-04-2010 at 07:37 PM by Dougrich
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I have shown this to so many people today, truly hilarious.
Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:05 PM by Fred
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Everyone I've showed this to has started laughing. Good job.
Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:36 PM by Gerber
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LOL! This made my day!
Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:52 PM by ccairsofter16
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So true. Good stuff.
Posted 01-05-2010 at 04:13 PM by allenspidey
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laughed, and shared, but in reality its not funny just gettin me started again bang pow boooom!
Posted 01-06-2010 at 07:24 AM by coverme
