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Rating: 4 votes, 4.25 average.

Our Economy....

Posted 01-01-2010 at 06:41 PM by Sparky
Dear Citizens,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much **** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of **** they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough ****, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the **** you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
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Comments

  1. Old
    Gerber's Avatar
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    Posted 01-03-2010 at 12:53 AM by Gerber Gerber is offline
  2. Old
    blacksheep_p's Avatar
    Economics has gotten quite interesting lately. I am glad the Government is looking out for its citizens the way they always have... LOL.
    Posted 01-03-2010 at 03:03 AM by blacksheep_p blacksheep_p is offline
  3. Old
    Epic man simply epic
    Posted 01-03-2010 at 06:48 AM by Ozzsclan Ozzsclan is offline
  4. Old
    Twin1's Avatar
    AMEN. This is too funny.
    Posted 01-03-2010 at 11:07 AM by Twin1 Twin1 is offline
  5. Old
    This sounds like something cooked up by a parent, you know that cheesy sense of humor they have, and then spam mailed around by everyone on their contact list.

    Oh wait, it was.
    Posted 01-03-2010 at 01:02 PM by Mavrick Mavrick is offline
  6. Old
    Blackbeard's Avatar
    Spam or not, it's hilarious, mostly because it's decently believable, haha.
    Posted 01-03-2010 at 01:43 PM by Blackbeard Blackbeard is offline
  7. Old
    Kilo11's Avatar
    hahah good stuff
    Posted 01-03-2010 at 03:19 PM by Kilo11 Kilo11 is offline
  8. Old
    schmikah's Avatar
    If I heard this on the news tomorrow morning it wouldn't surprise me, but so funny.
    Posted 01-03-2010 at 07:29 PM by schmikah schmikah is offline
  9. Old
    ak603's Avatar
    That was some funny stuff
    Posted 01-03-2010 at 07:35 PM by ak603 ak603 is offline
  10. Old
    Firefox's Avatar
    hahaha that just brightened my evening. Thanks for posting this.
    Posted 01-03-2010 at 08:52 PM by Firefox Firefox is offline
  11. Old
    RNA's Avatar
    that was ****ing epic.
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 10:23 AM by RNA RNA is offline
  12. Old
    Dougrich's Avatar
    This makes my day! EPIC!!
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 07:37 PM by Dougrich Dougrich is offline
  13. Old
    Fred's Avatar
    I have shown this to so many people today, truly hilarious.
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:05 PM by Fred Fred is offline
  14. Old
    Gerber's Avatar
    Everyone I've showed this to has started laughing. Good job.
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:36 PM by Gerber Gerber is offline
  15. Old
    LOL! This made my day!
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:52 PM by ccairsofter16 ccairsofter16 is offline
  16. Old
    allenspidey's Avatar
    So true. Good stuff.
    Posted 01-05-2010 at 04:13 PM by allenspidey allenspidey is offline
  17. Old
    coverme's Avatar
    laughed, and shared, but in reality its not funny just gettin me started again bang pow boooom!
    Posted 01-06-2010 at 07:24 AM by coverme coverme is offline
 

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