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Keeping Women Happy

Posted 03-26-2009 at 09:25 AM by Jimbo
Updated 03-27-2009 at 01:05 PM by Jimbo
The art/science/mystical-craft/pain-in-the-***/money-pit that is keeping a woman happy is a quest that is never completed. No matter how many low-level boars you kill in the forest.

Women want
fancy dinners, simple meals,
nice clothes, to be able to just where a sweat suit,
jewelry, you to have money,
close companionship, their own space,
sensitivity, emotional strength,
you to be able lift things, you to cuddle,
you to do the yard work, you to not track dirt in the house,
time with you on weekend, time on the weekend to shop with their friends,
you to make dinner, to not eat mac and cheese every day,
you to drive, to tell you where to go,
to make the decisions, you to give your opinion,
you to care about what they are doing, you to stop pestering them with questions about every minute of their day,
you to think about them when they are gone, you to not call them so much,
you to make the bed, the bed made properly,
you to take out the trash, you to not take the trash out right now because theyíre about to do something that will create a lot of trash and they wonít want that stuff laying around till the next time you take out the trash,
you to do exactly what they ask, you to be able to pick-up on when they really donít want you to do what they are saying,
you to come over tonight because they had a bad day, you to be able to know that they want you to come over because they had a bad day even though they repeatedly tell you that you should not come over,
to know what you are thinking, you to think about them while you are both watching the Victoriaís Secret fashion show,
a Bentley, a car thatís not so flashy,
you to get along with her mother, to never have to see your mother,
happiness, to never be content with what they have and always strive for better,
sex, you to quit trying to have sex with them all the time,
you to quit looking at their boobs, to wear low-cut shirts that show off their boobs,
you to be honest, you to tell them their butt looks small,
you to be ripped, you to not spend all you time at the gym,
flowers, you to quit spending money on stuff thatís completely useless and will be put in the trash in a week,
to be involved in the stuff you like to do, to not have to run around the woods for a full Saturday getting shot at by little plastic balls while getting yelled at by some guy with a really bad fake French accent that canít even speak English properly so how could he possibly know which French letters are supposed to be silent.
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Comments

  1. Old
    Blade's Avatar
    I heard you Jimbo!!!!
    Posted 03-27-2009 at 06:38 AM by Blade Blade is offline
    Updated 03-27-2009 at 07:20 AM by Blade
  2. Old
    Texx's Avatar
    Think I'm gonna leave this topic alone for now out of fear for Karmic Retribution. Some women understand the paradoxical nature of pleasing them and will reward for participation.
    Posted 03-27-2009 at 09:26 AM by Texx Texx is offline
  3. Old
    Torque's Avatar
    Yep, you nailed it bud.
    Posted 03-27-2009 at 09:51 AM by Torque Torque is offline
  4. Old
    Fox's Avatar
    100% awesome
    Posted 03-27-2009 at 10:16 AM by Fox Fox is offline
  5. Old
    Silverback's Avatar
    Now, which one of us has a big enough sack to show this to our old ladies?
    Posted 03-27-2009 at 11:50 AM by Silverback Silverback is offline
  6. Old
    King's Avatar
    I would gladly show it to all the women of the world...
    Posted 03-27-2009 at 03:19 PM by King King is offline
  7. Old
    Sundown's Avatar
    Sage words of wisdom.

    nuf said...
    Posted 03-27-2009 at 03:42 PM by Sundown Sundown is offline
  8. Old
    Jdbl14's Avatar
    women, can't live with em, can't shoot em...

    but for some reason we all have/want one.

    i especially like the one about how they don't want you to spend money on things, unless it's things for/with them.
    Posted 03-27-2009 at 05:18 PM by Jdbl14 Jdbl14 is offline
  9. Old
    Lone Wolf's Avatar
    Tell your woman to get back in the kitchen and make you some pie... Never tried it but go ahead!
    Posted 03-27-2009 at 08:59 PM by Lone Wolf Lone Wolf is offline
  10. Old
    Dougrich's Avatar
    OSOK,

    A country girl would most likely tell you "up yours do it yourself" lol

    I wouldn't try in fear of a slow painful death around here.
    Posted 03-28-2009 at 01:00 AM by Dougrich Dougrich is offline
  11. Old
    slaughter's Avatar
    you forgot long massages, with NO happy ending.
    EVER.
    Don't even ask. Its always a NO.
    You rub her back, she says thanks, now rub my feet. its a death trap.
    I suggest you to all get subscriptions to hustler. married or not.
    Posted 03-28-2009 at 01:17 PM by slaughter slaughter is offline
  12. Old
    Red's Avatar
    Lol Jimbo. I rike you.
    Posted 03-28-2009 at 05:12 PM by Red Red is offline
  13. Old
    ...And this is why prostitutes are a much cheaper/healthier alternative in the long run.
    Posted 03-30-2009 at 09:34 AM by Mavrick Mavrick is offline
    Updated 03-30-2009 at 10:58 AM by Mavrick
  14. Old
    NegSpace's Avatar
    Fantastic.

    Although, I'd agree that prostitutes are cheaper in the long run, but having done work at an STD clinic, I can't say I'd agree with the healthier part.
    Posted 03-30-2009 at 03:43 PM by NegSpace NegSpace is offline
  15. Old
    and i have issues? holy hanna lol this was great after the new ive gotten lol this was great
    Posted 03-31-2009 at 09:15 PM by Ozzsclan Ozzsclan is offline
  16. Old
    Posted 04-04-2009 at 12:52 PM by Texx Texx is offline
 

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