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Rating: 3 votes, 5.00 average.

As if it wasn't enough...REDUX 2.337!!! LAWL

Posted 01-04-2010 at 07:58 PM by Son of Liberty
Updated 01-04-2010 at 08:06 PM by Son of Liberty
"Man your battle stations this is not a drill!" The alarm blared through the crew's quarters. Mister Chef jumped down from his cot and grabbed Sergeant Penis by the collar. "Time to nut the hell up Marine!" Sgt Penis was irritated "Good morning, glad to see you to0 sweetheart." The ship shuttered under the immense pressure of space, because Spectre told me Space is like being underwater and there's air and stuff in it, that's why you can hear explosions and have camp fires and stuff. Anyway. "Mister Chef report to the bridge ASAP" As Mister Chef reported to Colonel Sanders aboard the USS Pizza Roll he was tasked with a near insurmountable feat. "Mister Chef, we have been able to make it this far thanks to your efforts in this war. But now I ask you to go where no man, cyborg, hemaphrodite, crossdresser or space alien has gone before." "Sir, you can count on me." "Good son, now I need you to go to the mysterious ring world of Pan-Dora and rescue an external hardrive currently being enslaved by the perverse flour people." "Sir! That world hasn't been explored since the year 1337," "I'm quite aware of this Mister Chef. That's why you'll have an expert in the field of espionage, Solid Big Boss Snake the 3rd. He'll see you through this, just rely on your training and you'll come back in one piece." "Yes sir!"

As Mister Chef was walking to his nifty space pod his handy AI companion Charles Jr appeared. "Chef, you're a rat! But you're still my favorite!" "God dammit, I need to buy a new one of these." Muttered Chef. As he climbed into his space pod he grabbed a SCAR-L equipped with a Magpul UBR stock, it went together like a horse and carriage or a Jetta and Cobalt. Upon reaching the ring world of Pan-Dora a small Ginger leprachaun named Aaron came prancing up to Chef, only to open fire on him with a P90. Chef quickly disposed of this pest and threw his body into a pile of flour and lit it on fire. "QQ mother ****er." While Chef tromped through the forests of Pan-Dora his only thoughts were how to deal with these flour flinging Pizza rolls and how he could retrieve the hard drive?
His train of thought derailed..if a douche bag falls in the woods..and no one is around to care...does this **** matter? A monkey named Andrew came swinging down from the trees out of no where and told Chef he was a moron and of course it was a noise but he went away as a giant T-Rex monster with two heads named Ray came tromping through the woods yelling obscenities and making random comments.
"****! DANICA PATRICK! MSNBC! LOOMIS! EPISODE 1 AND THE STAR WARS NOVELS SUCK! I DRIVE A HUGE TRUCK! AVA LIAM! 321 AIRSOFT!"
Chef kept going towards the Pizza Roll camp. Thinking about the Kentucky Speedway and Fail Team 5.

These thoughts were soon thrown out the window as he came face to face with the biggest most disgusting creature ever created....

Silent Chef Eric Barsky...Mister Chef's mentor.
Accompanied by gnomes riding lawn mowers with the name "ECHO1LAWN" printed on the side, they quickly purchased every item in site and let Mister Chef weaponless and nearly helpless. And Chef stood there shuddering looking at how bushy and massive Barsky's beard was, he realized the only way to destroy this creature was with his knife, he would have to shave this big mother ****er.

ZOMG WTF IS GOING TO HAPPEN?!
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Comments

  1. Old
    Texx's Avatar
    FAIL. Properly format your paragraph, *****
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:00 PM by Texx Texx is offline
  2. Old
    RNA's Avatar
    WTF! well everyone has there random moment
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:02 PM by RNA RNA is offline
  3. Old
    Gerber's Avatar
    OK! Your pushing it SOL.
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:20 PM by Gerber Gerber is offline
  4. Old
    Son of Liberty's Avatar
    Do something bout it brah lololololololol...I'm not gonna write a book...I'm gonna make a MOVIE
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:22 PM by Son of Liberty Son of Liberty is offline
    Updated 01-04-2010 at 08:25 PM by Son of Liberty
  5. Old
    Gerber's Avatar
    Why are you trying to make your self look like such an *******? Because when I worte my stories they were full of errors? I'm sorry to piss on your parade but I was writing for FUN. I don't really care if they had problems. Get off you high horse or I will shoot it.
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:29 PM by Gerber Gerber is offline
  6. Old
    CaineHazen's Avatar
    I thought you were too young for those amounts of hard drugs
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:32 PM by CaineHazen CaineHazen is offline
  7. Old
    Son of Liberty's Avatar
    Hahaha I'm having fun too dude. Take a chill pill please. I don't ride horses, I fly an Icran.
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:33 PM by Son of Liberty Son of Liberty is offline
  8. Old
    Djackson's Avatar
    .....lmao.....
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:41 PM by Djackson Djackson is offline
  9. Old
    knightmare's Avatar
    Oh my God Matt, lmao. You brought me to tears. Good stuff!
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 08:45 PM by knightmare knightmare is offline
  10. Old
    ninja_fish's Avatar
    "Why are you trying to make your self look like such an *******? "

    because thats what he does.
    Posted 01-04-2010 at 11:30 PM by ninja_fish ninja_fish is offline
  11. Old
    Scorpion's Avatar
    Bravo Matt. Bravo.
    Posted 01-05-2010 at 08:50 AM by Scorpion Scorpion is offline
  12. Old
    Evil Head's Avatar
    F*** you Rick Berman! You ruined this movie too?
    Posted 01-05-2010 at 09:12 AM by Evil Head Evil Head is offline
  13. Old
    D-Boy's Avatar
    Stand by.....And they're latched!
    Posted 01-05-2010 at 11:36 AM by D-Boy D-Boy is offline
  14. Old
    knightmare's Avatar
    Wait, thats not Rick Berman. What is it with Ricks?
    Posted 01-05-2010 at 11:57 AM by knightmare knightmare is offline
  15. Old
    Spectre's Avatar
    This should be retitled "A Day in the Life of S.P.E.A.R."
    Posted 01-05-2010 at 01:14 PM by Spectre Spectre is offline
  16. Old
    Son of Liberty's Avatar
    This is what I do, you're totally right. I just take pleasure in making fun of everything anyone ever stands for, and that's the truth. Don't like, you don't have to read it. Simple enough.

    Who wants a pizza roll? Who's ****ing with my medicine...
    Posted 01-05-2010 at 03:41 PM by Son of Liberty Son of Liberty is offline
  17. Old
    ECHOES's Avatar
    ^ Flavor of said pizza roll?

    Pepperoni/Sausage or GTFO.
    Posted 01-05-2010 at 06:08 PM by ECHOES ECHOES is offline
  18. Old
    D-Boy's Avatar
    And if you look really closely, a pizza roll appears.
    Posted 01-05-2010 at 08:03 PM by D-Boy D-Boy is offline
  19. Old
    Desert-Fox's Avatar
    Trust me Gerber, SOL is having fun. Or, at least we are taking much pleasure in reading his stories. They're funnier than ****!
    If you couldn't tell, this is his way or reacting to all random crap posted by mainly new members. Sure, you may find it offensive, but I assure you he will not loose any sleep over it. Besides, it entertains us. So, a win-win situation-for us.

    But SOL, keep it coming!
    Posted 01-05-2010 at 08:35 PM by Desert-Fox Desert-Fox is offline
  20. Old
    Son of Liberty's Avatar
    I'm currently accepting offers to buy my work. this entry is starting at 50 cents.
    Posted 01-06-2010 at 06:05 PM by Son of Liberty Son of Liberty is offline
 

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